


moving on

by pantonetommy



Category: Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, hide the lack of plot with angst, its only bad writing if you tried right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 13:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19831321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pantonetommy/pseuds/pantonetommy
Summary: Billy doesn’t want to let go.





	moving on

Billy pushed open the door to the living room with one shoulder, both hands full with shopping bags. He placed the bags on the floor and stretched, looking over to see-

“Tommy! When did you get here?”

His brother was lounging on the sofa, looking bored. “You were out for a while. That’s good.”

“I went shopping,” Billy said, “It’s not a big deal.”

Tommy looked at him, calculating. He didn’t say anything else. 

Billy shrugged, skipping over to the kitchen area to fill the kettle. “I’m making coffee for me and Teddy,” he called over his shoulder, “You want some?”

“You’re deluding yourself.” Tommy replied.

Shaking his head in confusion, Billy flicked on the kettle and shrugged, “More for us, I guess.”

He pondered over the mugs for a minute whilst the water boiled. Billy made the coffee without rushing; the light sound of the metal spoon against the mugs was especially distinct in the otherwise silent house. He walked back towards the sofa, one mug left alone on the countertop.

Billy sat down next to Tommy, resting his mug on his lap. He tapped his nails on the side of it, listening to the sounds. 

“When are you gonna talk to someone?” Tommy asked, looking off to the side. 

“I talk to you.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” 

Billy studied the wall across from them. He never realised how many photos they had before but now he noted that he could barely see the wallpaper. It wasn’t too surprising-it was a small apartment and he had a lot of friends. Superhero-ing is like that: there’s no time to be an introvert.

“So, funny story,” Billy started, gesturing towards the still-lying-about shopping bags, “about the store.”

Tommy didn’t even move from where he was staring. He seemed to be looking at the window, but the curtains were closed.

“So, uh, the store,” Billy continued, “There were these kids. Well, not kids. Teenagers. Can’t call them kids, we’re-It doesn’t matter. And they were pushing around a cart, right? But one of them was in the cart?”

Tommy let out a slow, deliberate sigh.

“Well, they were pushing it around with one guy in it and then he goes right into a stand. You know like, a stand of fruit? I think the store put them there to get people to eat healthier and that, you know how it is.” Billy tapped his mug of coffee a few times to fill the silence. “Uh, well he goes into the stand. And the fruit is like, everywhere. A lady literally trips over a banana. Some kid got knocked out with a  _ pineapple _ . It was  _ hilarious.  _ I mean, maybe not too hilarious, the kid could’ve gotten a concussion-“

Tommy was eerily still next to him. Billy could hardly remember a moment when he wouldn’t fidget or bounce a leg but nowadays he would stay absolutely motionless for minutes at a time. It was disconcerting, to say the least.

“Well, uh, I guess it wasn’t too funny anyway. Teddy will probably like that story more.”

Billy stared down at his hands, then at the coffee. He was stuck for what to do, pressing his fingertips onto the hot ceramic of the mug for a few seconds at a time until it was too hot to bare. 

“You can’t keep lying to yourself,” Tommy said, “You can’t just live your life in denial because of one bad moment.”

Billy froze, looking up in disbelief. He leant forward, carefully placing his mug down on the coffee table before turning towards Tommy.

“One bad moment?” Billy repeated, words cold, “How can you say that?”

Tommy’s face didn’t betray any emotion at all. He just looked at Billy as if he expected this reaction, as if he was just waiting for Billy to catch on. It was infuriating.

Sick of waiting for a reaction, Billy shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Maybe you’re right. You’re here now and I’m here and it’s like-So it’s like it didn’t even happen, right?”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

Billy pushed his fists down into the sofa cushion. “Maybe that’s what I want you to mean.”

Tommy tilted his head to the side, looking at him inquisitively. He seemed to be studying Billy, and he sank backwards awkwardly in response. At a loss for what to do, he knitted his fingers together and fiddled for a minute. 

“You know, everyone else is sad,” Billy spoke, quietly, “Like, really sad. Depressed. You could just...talk to them.”

Tommy turned away from him, staring at the wall as Billy did before. “Don’t do this to me.”

Billy settled on annoyance before the guilt could settle in his gut. “At least talk to me, properly.”

Tommy stayed silent, emotionless. As if he didn’t even hear him. Like he didn’t care about him at  _ all _ .

“Tommy,” Billy started, head starting to pound from unshed tears, “Tommy, why can’t you just  _ talk _ to me?” 

Tommy leant forwards to put his head in his hands, trying to escape the entire conversation.

“Tommy, please.” Billy pulled his knees up in front of him, hugging his legs to his chest. “Please, I need it. I need everything to feel normal again. I need to  _ talk. _ ”

Tommy stood up abruptly, spinning around on one foot to face him. “When are you gonna stop? When are you gonna stop playing god and just accept what happened?” His voice raised higher as he stepped forward to stand in front of Billy. “You can’t  _ have  _ the old normal. You need to move on and find a new normal.”

“You have to let go.”

Billy fell softly onto his side, burying his head into his hands to muffle the sobs he couldn’t hold in. His eyes stung from the tears and he could barely find it within himself to be embarrassed for his miserable display. 

Tommy just stayed in the same spot, almost hovering. “That’s it. You have to let yourself grieve.”

“Shut up,” Billy forced out, overwhelmed, “Stop fucking telling me what I have to do I-I didn’t do this so you could just sound like everybody else! Why can’t you just work with this, huh? Why can’t you just take the easy way out?”

Billy pushed himself up to lean against the side of the sofa. He stared at Tommy, vision blurred from tears. Tommy stared back in dead silence for a minute or so until he finally spoke.

“You have to accept it.”

“Please, Tommy, just-“ Billy hiccuped on a sob, putting his head in his hands-“Please don’t do this to me. Let me have this, please.”

Tommy crept around to the front of his vision, crouching to meet his eye-line. “I’m sorry.” He moved a hand to rub Billy’s shoulder but the touch was so light that he could hardly feel it at all.

The sound of the front door being unlocked cut through the relative quiet. Billy made panicked eye contact with Tommy, shaking his head before he could even speak. Tommy just smiled sadly, standing up from the floor.

Billy stared at Tommy’s face, terrified. He tracked his movements as he stepped backwards towards the darker side of the room, almost blending in with it all. Billy considered jumping up for some kind of intervention but he knew it was pointless. He just dipped his head down, letting his tears fall freely for a minute or so.

A few seconds later, Teddy crept through the doorway. “Hey, Bee.”

“Hi.” Billy smiled up at him sadly before wiping his watery eyes with his sleeve. He looked around quickly, but there was no trace of Tommy anywhere in the room. That stung more every time.

Teddy stepped forward to the sofa, sitting next to him before opening his arms. Billy fell into his chest almost instinctively, burrowing himself into the soft cotton of Teddy’s shirt.

“How are you doing?” Teddy asked from above him.

“Fine.” Billy closed his eyes tight, taking a deep breath. “Maybe. That’s a lie. I’m not doing okay at all right now.”

“That’s okay,” Teddy said without missing a beat, “You need time. Noone’s expecting you to bounce back.”

Billy stared at the fabric of Teddy’s clothes, studying the fibres. He could feel his heartbeat in his chest, steady and reassuring. “What about you?” He asked, softly, “How are you doing?”

Teddy leant his head on top of Billy’s, breaths slowed down purposefully. “I’m getting better. Accepting it.” 

Billy saw a wispy figure in the corner of his eye. When he blinked it had vanished. 

“Yeah, I’m, uh,” Billy took a shaky breath, “I’m accepting it, too.” 


End file.
